Regret
by 17daysgreys
Summary: A short story about Jackson Avery and April Kepner. When he returns to Seattle to see she's moved on with someone else, will he continue fighting for her or bow out of the race for her heart for good?
1. Chapter 1

Jackson Avery had left Seattle four years ago, after April had found out she wasn't pregnant and basically rejected his proposal he knew there was nothing for him there. He had to return every few months to deal with board issues, but he avoided her like the plague only agreeing to come back when he knew she wouldn't be at the hospital. But, this time his mother said it was an emergency and so he wasn't able to ensure that April Kepner wasn't going to be around. As he walked into the familiar doors of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, he saw her, red hair as vibrant as every laughing with a man who looked like he came straight out of a GQ catalog. Jackson couldn't help but stare at her, at how effortlessly beautiful she looked, and then he saw it, her ring finger. He never knew he could feel heartbreak like this, as strong as this, she was married to someone else. How foolish of him to think that she didn't move on, that she spent the past four years pining for him. Sure, he'd moved on and had a few random hookups with girls that meant nothing to him, but he never considered marrying them.

"Do you want to pick Maddie up from daycare or should I?" April asked Christopher, her husband of two years.

"I can do it, plus you shouldn't be on your feet for too long. You know what Arizona said," he grabbed her slightly by the waist and pulled her into him, their bodies fit almost perfectly. Almost perfectly. But he was just a bit too tall for her and she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach his lips.

"I'm pregnant, not disabled. Plus, I've been through this before." Jackson couldn't help but overhear their conversation. This wasn't what he wanted to hear. But why was he so bothered by it, he had left Seattle, he had gone to Boston no one forced him to bow out of the race for April Kepner's heart. But right now, only regret surged through him, stinging his veins.

"All right, Dr. Hudson, I'll see you when I get home," the man left her standing at the nurses' station. Jackson tried to duck out of her line of sight, but as he turned to get into the elevator she saw him and came chasing after him.

"Jackson! Jackson Avery, you get back her right this minute." He was caught, to be honest he had left without telling her and he had refused to answer any of her calls, texts, or letters. Sure, he still had them, but he hadn't the heart to open them.

"April, I have a board meeting to get to."

"No, you're not getting let off that easily. We need to talk, now."

"I'm only here on business, I don't have much to say to you."

"Excuse me? You up and left without a trace years ago, I didn't even know if you were alive or not."

"Come on, April, you would have heard if I were dead."

"I guess, but still Jackson, why won't you look at me?"

"You're married. I think you know why I can't look at you."

"How did you know that?"

"I saw you talking to him, he looks like a nice guy, good guy to have a family with."

"I don't know what you want me to say Jackson."

"You don't need to say anything, I left you, and it's my fault. I could have had it all."

"You would have if you would have answered your phone," she spat under her breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, the test was a false negative and if you wouldn't have gotten up and left within three days you would have known. And if you had answered any form of communication I've been trying to have with you, you would have known that you have a daughter. But no, blame me for moving on."

"What the hell are you talking about, April?"

"Maddie is your daughter. She's three, looks just like you." And with that April walked away from a stunned Jackson Avery.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackson walked like the wind had been knocked out of him, he had a daughter, and because of his own stupidity he had missed the past three years of her life while her mother had moved on and was having another child with someone else. He felt like a dead man walking, especially when he saw his mother Catherine Avery waiting in the conference room for him. He didn't need to say anything, she already knew.

"You saw April didn't you?" She wondered.

"Yes, I saw April," he growled.

"What's going on in your head, baby?"

"It doesn't matter, she's married, having someone else's baby; all because I was too stupid to answer her calls."

"But you're here now, now you can make it better. God, when she told me she was pregnant, you should have seen how scared that girl was," Catherine reminisced.

"You knew?" Jackson roared, "You knew and you didn't tell me."

"Oh Jackson, I tried to tell you. I tried to get you to answer the phone, come to Seattle with me. The emergency board meetings, what did you think those were?"

"Uh, board meetings," he answered bluntly.

"No, they were her birth, her first birthday, Christmas, and every other important event a father was supposed to witness."

"You could have told me she was married," he sighed, "I feel like such a fool."

"You aren't a fool, baby. And she is married, but she doesn't look at him like she looked at you. Whenever you would walk by her breath would catch in her throat, she would smile at the thought of you, her world spun for you. Chris is a great guy, perfect guy, on paper," Catherine paused, "But he doesn't hold a candle to you."

"I'm not going to break up her marriage, if that's what you're suggesting."

"No, I know that, that's not the son I raised. But if you get more involved in her life and your daughter's life, maybe she'll come to that conclusion on her own."

"You're despicable. I love April too much to ruin her family, it's probably best if I go, for me, April, and her daughter."

"You know she asks about you?" Catherine added.

"What do you mean?"

"Maddie, she knows you're her dad. She knows I'm her grandmother. You're not a stranger to her and you never have been," Catherine tried to comfort her son who just stared at her with pure shock.

"I don't know what to say."

"Just go and see her, talk to April, it'll be okay."

Jackson left the conference room with his mother, clearly she had set this meeting up purposefully so he'd see April and finally learn the truth about, well everything. The end of the day had come and he was going to go back to Boston in the morning, now was his only chance to make things right.

"Could you please page Dr. Kepner for me," he asked a nurse.

"Dr. Kepner? Sir, a Doctor Kepner doesn't work here," she replied back.

"Red hair, super perky," he started to describe.

"Oh, you mean Dr. Hudson? Wow, no one's called her Doctor Kepner in years, sure I'll page her."

Jackson waited fifteen minutes for April to come and when he saw her walking through those doors with a three year old on her hip and her husband holding her hand he felt as if he had been personally escorted to hell. He had never seen her, his daughter, but there was absolutely no denying her parentage. He was hers, through and through.

"Babe, I need to talk to him, I'll just be a minute. Can you take Maddie to the car?"

"Sure, I'll be right outside, call if you need anything," he kissed her goodbye.

"Will do." She began walking over to Jackson, with a distinct waddle in her step; she was seven months pregnant and even surprised herself that she was still working.

"Hi," she greeted him warmly.

"I, uh, I don't really know what to say," he began, "I should have called you back. I shouldn't have left, I should have done so many things. I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry," he blurted out.

"Jackson, I know you're sorry."

"I can understand if you hate me, if you don't want me in her life, I can, you know it's better if I just go. It was a mistake to come here in the first place." As he turned around to get his things she shouted back at him.

"You know I waited for you. I waited a year and a half for you before I moved on, I wanted you Jackson. I was in love with you. I didn't mean to find Chris, I didn't mean to fall for someone else because if I could have what I've always wanted I would be married to you right now and we'd be taking our daughter home," the words flowed from her mouth effortlessly.

"You said you were relieved to not marry me," he turned around and looked at her.

"I was relieved that the wedding wouldn't be a shot gun wedding that neither of us really wanted, but were doing out of obligation."

"When did you find out the test was a false negative?"

"Two weeks after you left. That's when I started calling you non-stop, but you refused to answer me."

"You could have come to visit, sent a letter, sent a court order?"

"I figured if you wouldn't answer a phone call or an e-mail that me showing up pregnant wouldn't have been the best option."

"Can you tell me one thing," he asked.

"What?"

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, Jackson. Yes I'm happy."

"Good, that's all I could ever want."

"Are you?" she looked at him with her hazel eyes as she twirled her wedding band around her finger, "Are you happy?"

"Boston has its moments, but no I'm not happy. I'm not going to lie to you April, leaving you was the worst mistake of my life."

"I know," she whispered, "It was the worst mistake of mine too," and then she gazed up at him and the only thing she wanted to do was kiss him but something in the back of her mind told her not to, "I have to go Jackson, they're waiting in the car for me."

"Will I ever get to meet her?"

"How long are you in town for?" Truthfully he had a flight set for that night, but with nothing to return to he could stay as long as he wanted.

"A few days."

"Okay, I'll bring her by tomorrow, I have a surgery at 8:00 a.m. that should be done by noon, lunch sound okay?"

"Lunch sounds perfect," he smiled as he watched her leave and head out to her husband. It broke his heart more than anything to see him with another man, but it made him so happy to see that she was happy. April Kepner, no April Hudson had finally found her happy ending.


End file.
